The essay approaches ethics and research through a description of the beginnings of a study of children's lives under extreme adversity in the Manicaland province of contemporary Zimbabwe. An encounter with an orphaned child is described, highlighting the presence of her grief. The child's sorrow and its effects on the researcher are explored in the context of a theoretical examination of grief and mourning. The counter-transferential nature of encounters with grief and suffering is noted. The article invites reflection on the problem of sitting with painful affect and questions the extent to which this necessary but painful process is recognized in attempts to codify ethical approaches to research.